Naps in hotel rooms.

I've been in São Paulo for the past week, hence the lack of posts. This week has been lovely, mainly because of how much time I've been with Gian, my lovely boyfriend. As much as I don't want to leave, Sunday I'll be going to the beach for New Year's. And then back to my house (which I must emphasize that that place is not my home, it's just not.) I hope you are all having a wonderful vacation and that your Christmas is great and that 2011 is better than 2010 was.

Oh, and on a unrelated note, I would just like to comment that I think it's sad when people aren't close with their siblings; my older sister is my best friend and nobody knows me as well as she does.

Whenever people say references that I don't understand, I always assume that it's from Pokémon.

Why isn't my life a musical? I mean, because even if things sucked, we would just break out into song and things would be alright.

What really knocks me out is a book that, when you’re all done reading it, you wish the author that wrote it was a terrific friend of yours and you could call him up on the phone whenever you felt like it. That doesn’t happen much, though.

Catcher in the Rye ~ J.D Salinger

This happens to me a lot, except that I have the urge to hug the authors. Not to mention the character in the book - which is actually even more difficult than hugging the author. Holden Caufield definitely could've used a hug.

In December, drinking Horchata.

"We're young. We're supposed to drink too much. We're supposed to have bad attitudes and shag each other's brains out. We are designed to party. This is it. Yeah, so a few of us will overdose or go mental. But Charles Darwin said you can't make an omelette without breaking a few eggs. And that's what it's all about breaking eggs! And by eggs, I do mean, getting twatted on a cocktail of Class As. If you could just see yourselves! It breaks my heart. You're wearing cardigans! We had it all. We fucked up bigger and better than any generation that came before us. We were so beautiful! We're screw-ups. I'm a screw-up and I plan to be a screw-up until my late 20s, maybe even my early 30s. And I will shag my own mother before I let her... or anyone else take that away from me!"

Estou seriamente pensando em fazer intercâmbio em 2012, quando tiver passado no vestibular e tal. Porque vontade de fugir de todo mundo que você conhece é motivo válido pra fazer intercâmbio, certo?

Always relevant.

'I believe I have not been fair to you, and that, as a result, I must have led you around in circles and hurt you deeply. In doing so, however, I have led myself around in circles and hurt myself just as deeply. I say this not as an excuse or a means of self-justification, but because it is true. I have left a wound inside you, but it is not just your wound, it is mine as well. So please try not to hate me. I am a flawed human being - a far more flawed human being than you realized. Which is precisely why I do not want you to hate me. Because if you were to do that, I would really go to pieces.'

Norwegian Wood ~ Haruki Murakami

Dramatic irony is really annoying.

I'M ON VACATION UNTIL THE 28TH OF FEBRUARY.

But me, I'm not a gamble, you can count on me to split

The love I sell you in the evening by the morning won't exist

This might just be one of my very favorite things on the Internet.

This is me right now

It's weird how the pictures on my walls are all of people I used to know.

So I watched The Social Network today - it's really good, by the way - and then when I got home, I went on Tumblr and the served crashed and I was like 'Oh my god, the co-founder of Tumblr must've frozen their bank account!'

“Being alone, even lonely, is better than being together with the wrong people.”

—	Wilson Kanadi

My blog used to be way more quality than it currently is.

Oh hello, picture posts, long time no see.

And if young love is just a game, then I must have missed the kick-off.

It’s funny. Your muscles have a certain memory about them. That’s why we can tie our shoes or play piano without looking. But then you spend a long enough time with someone and your bodies memorize each other you know? The warmth of your back, the pace of your heartbeat, your tickly eyelashes and the way your fingers would curl in sequence when I used to play with your palm. Another person is like moving to a new country where you don’t know the language. It’s a scary thing.

Taken from this particularly lovely short film.

i’d walk through hell for you,
let it burn right through my shoes,
these soles are useless without you.
through hell for you, let the torturing ensue;
my soul is useless without you.

I know this isn't an excuse or a decent reason for anything, but I'm scared. Okay? If I could put my jumbled-up thoughts into words, then it might be easier for you to understand, but I can't and I'm scared and it's not your job to be there for me and I really am sorry.

So, I just noticed that these are sort of identical to my glasses. Okay.

Also, this is my 996's post.

I'm not supersticious, but I'm a little stitious.

Proof that personality goes a long way: eu achar o PC Siqueira muito bonito. Sério.

“I like punk rock. I like girls with weird eyes. I like drugs. I like passion. I like things that are built well. I like innocence. I like and am grateful for the blue collar worker whose existence allows artists to not have to work at menial jobs. I like killing gluttony. I like playing my cards wrong. I like various styles of music. I like making fun of musicians whom I feel plagiarize or offend music as art by exploiting their embarrassingly pathetic versions of their work. I like to write poetry. I like to ignore others’ poetry. I like vinyl. I like nature and animals. I like to be by myself. I like to feel guilty for being a white, American Male.”

- Kurt Cobain

"I wish I could just sleep until I was eighteen and skip all this crap - high school and everything - just skip it."

"Do you know who Marcel Proust is?"

"He's the guy you teach.'

"Yeah. French writer. Total loser. Never had a real job. Unrequited love affairs. Gay. Spent 20 years writing a book almost no one reads. But he's also probably the greatest writer since Shakespeare. Anyway, he, uh... he gets down to the end of his life, and he looks back and decides that all those years he suffered, Those were the best years of his life, 'cause they made him who he was. All those years he was happy? You know, total waste. Didn't learn a thing. So, if you sleep until you're 18... Ah, think of the suffering you're gonna miss. I mean high school? High school - those are your prime suffering years. You don't get better suffering than that."

On the walk home today, I came to the conclusion that 2010 has been the worst year so far.

2M3LHOR. :)

Today, I realized that this intense lack of social contact has made me awkward around people and I don't know what to talk about. Not that I particularly mind.

It's weird how me this is, haha.

Emma Stone is such a cutie.

Can this week just be over? Please?

Mari: If Mel was a human, he'd be one of those drag queens who do Marilyn Monroe impersonations.

Soo, I'm thinking of making my blog public.

I realized that each time I watch 500 Days of Summer, I like it less.

Except for the soundtrack. The soundtrack is always delightful.

Que seja infinito enquanto dure e que dure pra sempre, babe. Te amo.

lisa says: (19:56:21)

PERAI QUEM É A PUTCHENA

lisa says: (19:56:23)

EU OU A VICKY?

Luuu (: says: (19:56:25)

a vicky

Victoria says: (19:56:25)

gente double burn em mim hein

Victoria says: (19:56:26)

EU CLARO

Luuu (: says: (19:56:29)

CLARO

Gian says: (19:56:33)

CLARO

lisa says: (19:56:34)

CLARO

I love our four-way conversations. #brazillovesclaire TAKE THREE

Sundays make me feel awkward.

"I'm looking for selfishness. Perfect selfishness. Like, say I tell you I want to eat strawberry shortcake. And you stop everything you're doing and run out and buy it for me. And you come back out of breath and get down on your knees and hold this strawberry shortcake out to me. And I say I don't want it anymore and throw it out the window. That's what I'm looking for."

"I'm not sure that has anything to do with love," I said with some amazement.

"It does," she said. "You just don't know it. There are times in a girl's life when things like that are incredibly important."

"Things like throwing strawberry shortcake out the window?"

"Exactly. And when I do it, I want the man to apologize to me. 'Now I see, Midori. What a fool I've been! I should have known that you would lose your desire for strawberry shortcake. I have all the intelligence and sensitivity of a piece of donkey shit. To make it up to you, I'll go out and buy you something else. What would you like? Chocolate mousse? Cheesecake?' "

"So then what?"

"So then I'd give him all the love he deserves for what he's done."

"Sounds crazy to me."

"Well, to me, that's what love is. Not that anyone can understand me, though." Midori gave her head a little shake against my shoulder. "For a certain kind of person, love begins from something tiny or silly. From something like that or it doesn't begin at all."

Norwegian Wood ~ Haruki Murakami

My favorite thing about rereading my favorite books is falling in love with different things each time I read it.

Harry and Hermione's friendship appreciation post.

Posimusic

As much as I might dislike my school and majority of the people there, the Posimusic project is pretty cool.

I wish I could be a better person for you.

"You can't just make me different and then leave," I said out loud to her. "Because I was fine before, Alaska. I was fine with just me and last words and school friends, and you can't just make me different and then go." For she had embodied the Great Perhaps - she had proved to me it was worth it to leave behind my minor life for grander maybes, and now she was gone and with her my faith in perhaps. (...) You can't just make yourself matter and then go, Alaska, because now I am irretrievably different, Alaska, and I'm sorry I let you go, yes, but you made the choice. You left me.

Looking for Alaska ~ John Green


I'm rereading this again, it's such a great book and I had forgotten how many lovely quotes there are [which is why my copy is heavily-highlighted and has silly notes etched in the corners].

I'm really bored of my hair and I'm awkward in pictures and I look tired.

okay

Drink up baby, look at the stars

I'll kiss you again, between the bars

We All Want to Be Young (leg) from box1824 on Vimeo.

More than ever before, in order to understand the world, it is necessary to understand these youths, who are the catalyst to big changes.

This is one of the most interesting videos I've seen lately, it talks about what it is to be young and how that has changed over the years, giving special emphasis on OUR generation. It also has clips from a bunch of movies I like and from Skins. :)

The perfect words never crossed my mind because there was nothing in there, but you.

.

I think this was one of my favorite Glee episodes ever.

Favorite Names

Boys:

• Israel
• Noah*
• Daniel
• James*
• Gabriel
• Dexter*
• João Pedro

Girls:

• Alaska
• Africa
• Luna
• Audrey*
• Alexia

* I really like these names but since I live in Brasil, they would a) sound really tacky and b) people wouldn't know how to pronounce and spell them correctly.

I can't remember when was the last time anyone hugged me.

“I meditate in the bath. The water needs to be very hot, so hot you can barely stand putting your foot in it. Then you lower yourself, inch by inch, till the water’s up to your neck…I never feel so much myself as when I’m in a hot bath…The longer I lay there in the clear hot water the purer I felt, and when I stepped out at last and wrapped myself in one of the big, soft, white hotel bath towels I felt pure and sweet as a new baby.”

The Bell Jar ; Sylvia Plath

Two things:

One of my favorite scenes ever, it still makes me tear up. Agh, best show on television.

I bought the boat tickets the day I saw that YouTube video. I knew we'd need a backup plan. The boat was actually plan C. The church was plan B. And plan A was marring her a long, long time ago. Pretty much the day I met her.

.

Did I make it that easy to walk right in and out of my life?

Happy Guy Fawkes day!

It's really lame how I'm such an angst-ridden teenager.

I know, I know, I know.

.

There's just something so beautiful about long songs.

[I actually discovered this song because Sarah, from loveyourchaos, wrote on her formspring that it's her all-time favorite song.]

I love old school Panic! at the Disco.

Talk to the mirror
Oh, choke back tears
And keep telling yourself
That I'm a diva!

Haven't you heard that I'm the new cancer?

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

e.e cummings

(My sister and I want to get matching tattoos; hers will say "I carry your heart" and mine will say "I carry it in my heart.")

But I mean, how well can you know someone that you've never seen cry?

The distance is quite simply too far for me to row, it seems farther than ever before.

I need you so much closer.

But it was not your fault, but mine

And it was your heart on the line

I really fucked it up this time, didn't I, my dear?

This this this.

Happy Halloween!

Wow, you're so pathetic.

"I really like you, Midori. A lot."

"How much is a lot?"

"Like a spring bear," I said.

"A spring bear?" Midori looked up. "What's that all about? A spring bear."

"You're walking through a field all by yourself one day in spring, and this sweet little bear cub with velvet fur and shiny little eyes comes walking along. And he says to you, 'Hi, there, little lady. Want to tumble with me?' So you and the bear cub spend the whole day in each other's arms, tumbling down this clover-covered hill. Nice, huh?"

"Yeah. Really nice."

"That's how much I like you."

Norwegian Wood; Haruki Murakami

I want to love everything about you that hurts.

Whatever makes you happy
Whatever you want
You're so fucking special
I wish I was special

Just getting up for the let down.

Newest celebrity crush: Jesse Eisenberg.

[I watched Zombieland today, by the way.]

I just watched the intros to all of my favorite cartoons when I was little and now I'm singing along to the theme of Boy Meets World.

It's amazing how many ways I can be unproductive.

I hope you're as happy as you're pretending to be.

"And you left him, just like that?"
"It's the only way to leave. "I don't love you anymore. Goodbye." "
"Supposing you do still love them?"
"You don't leave."
"You've never left someone you still love?"
"Nope."

All I do is quote 'Closer' lately, but geez, that's movie's so fucking relevant.

Can I please just crawl under the covers with an endless supply of books and chocolate milk and only come out when I stop feeling like this constantly?

It's the sense of touch. In any real city, you walk, you know? You brush past people, people bump into you. In L.A., nobody touches you. We're always behind this metal and glass. I think we miss that touch so much, that we crash into each other, just so we can feel something.

It's depressing how much the song "Go the Distance" from Hercules relates to my life.

Nossa aula de química na sexta-feira.

Exploding things, yay!

Reparem no sotaque do interior do meu professor quando ele fala "calor". :)

Obama talks about the recent suicides that have happened; my respect for him has definitely increased after I saw this.

[Mari and I were at a japanese restaurant with my dad.]

Me: Olha Mari, *points to menu* "and we shed what was left of our salmon skin."

Mari: ...Nice.

This is why I love my sister.

I'm in love with the world through the eyes of a girl who's still around the morning after

Going to my friends' houses and seeing them interact with their families makes me appreciate my family much more and be thankful that we're not boring.

Interviewer: Why can’t you be alone without Yoko?

John Lennon: But I can be alone without Yoko, but I just have no wish to be. There's no reason on Earth why I should be alone without Yoko. There’s nothing more important than our relationship, nothing. And we dig being together all the time. Both of us could survive apart but what for? I'm not going to sacrifice love, real love for any whore or any friend or any business, because in the end you’re alone at night and neither of us want to be. And you can’t fill a bed with groupies. It doesn't work. I don't want to be a swinger. I've been through it all and nothing works better than to have someone you love hold you.

You wanted to take me to the aquarium. I nodded, even though the idea terrified me. Maybe it was the tunnels where you looked up and could see fish around you or the louds crowds in there or how claustrophobic it was in there. Nonetheless, I let you hold my sweaty hand and pull me through, telling me childhood anecdotes and sharing interesting information about the fish there.

"Let's go see the otters, they're my absolute favorite!" you said, turning back at me, pulling me through the group of five-year olds there on a school trip. I could feel something pressing down on my lungs, the air escaping from my body.

I gasped helplessly, but you couldn't hear me. I squeezed your hand, hoping you would turn around, but you continued pulling me through the dark.

I wrapped my skinny arms around my shivering frame while you continued blabbering about the time so and so went with you to the zoo and something or other happened and how it was hilarious.

I had no choice but to suffocate.

-

I don't know.

Então me abraça forte e diz mais uma vez
Que já estamos distantes de tudo
Temos nosso próprio tempo

I miss things that haven't even happened yet.

Michael: Oh, why do I feel like crap?
Jim: You just had a rebound.
Michael: I had a rebound.
Jim: Yeah. Which, don’t get me wrong, can be a really fun distraction, but, when it’s over, you’re left thinking about the girl you really like, the one that broke your heart.

Current Playlist

Bigmouth Strikes Again - The Smiths

The One Who Got Away - Katy Perry

Bohemian Rhapsody - Glee cast

Jigsaw Falling Into Place - Radiohead

Heart-Shaped Glasses - Marilyn Manson

Curse of the Curves - Cute is What We Aim For

Just a Girl - No Doubt

Tempo Perdido - Legião Urbana

Skinny Love - Bon Iver

Elephant Gun - Beirut

Na Na Na - My Chemical Romance

Zephyr Song - Red Hot Chilli Peppers

For a Pessimist, I'm Pretty Optimistic - Paramore

Renegades of Funk - Rage Against the Machine

How very Vicky of me, yes? :)

Late at night I'm just a girl,
Guess I'm some kind of freak
'Cause they all sit and stare
With their eyes

The 90's were so cool.

Reasons why you should just leave:

SHE DOESN'T EVEN GO HERE.

basically.

Blua (it feels weird to call him by his name and not his URL and that would just be confusing to me) just sent me the cutest tumblr inbox message and called me 'angel'.

SHDFJJSKDFHKSJDHFKSJDHFJSDHFKSJDHFKSJDHFKSJDHFKSDJFHKSDJHFS

This is very very exciting for me, he's my favorite person on Tumblr.

oh wow.

EDIT:

I AM NOW FACEBOOK FRIENDS WITH HIM.

"Alice, tell me something true."

"Lying is the most fun a girl can have without taking her clothes off, but it's better if you do."

Nem sei

Quero escrever sobre mãos, sobre amores em supermercados, sobre aquários. Meu caderninho com sua capa preta e letra de sambas, o caderninho que originalmente era pra ser pra eu não perder inspiração, virou o que eu uso quando minha mente não consegue concentrar na aula. Aliás, faz tempo que não fico rabiscando no meu caderno. Talvez porque agora vou só vou ter prova de redação pra ter aquela última semana infernal de provas e estou ciente que preciso estudar muito, especialmente porque é provável que eu pegue recuperação anual em matemática e química. Como se pegar recuperação já não fosse shameful o suficiente, o foda de recuperação anual é que é uma prova de 10 questões da matéria do ano inteiro. Eu não lembro o que eu almocei ontem, como é que vou lembrar o que estávamos estudando no começo do ano? Essa escola me cansa.

Hoje fui no festival de MPB da escola com as minhas três melhores amigas. Aliás, acho meio estranho chamar ela das minhas melhores amigas porque não temos muito relacionamento de melhores amigas, mas acho que são a coisa mais perto que tenho aqui and that's good enough. Enfim, o festival foi bem legal. Eu amo ser brasileira. Eu tava sentada lá ouvindo pessoas da minha idade cantarem músicas do Chico Buarque, Roberto Carlos, Paralamas do Sucesso, Titãs, Legião Urbana e me deu uma sensação tão boa em estar lá, de estar presenciando aquilo. Não que as performances foram espetaculares (algumas foram, né) mas porque, além de eu admirar qualquer pessoa com talento, provavelmente devido a minha falta total de talento, mas todas as músicas eram tão tão boas. Sei lá, eu não consigo explicar o que eu sentia naquele auditório, mas I just felt infinite and good to be there. Tinha uma menina que cantou 'Erva Venenosa' da Rita Lee e ela ficava dançando e rebolando enquanto ela cantava e eu juro que fiquei rindo o tempo total da música e quando eu tentava parar de rir, eu via que a Rafa ou a Bruna ou a Dani tavam rindo ainda e continuava rindo.

Sou uma pessoa noturna, funciono melhor de noite e madrugada, queria ter alguém com quem conversar nessas horas em que estou sociável e feliz. Estou ouvindo Karma Police do Radiohead e sou a única pessoa acordada da casa porque todo mundo tem que acordar cedo amanhã e ainda estou com a roupa que coloquei antes de ir pra casa da Bruna e minha barriga ainda está meio pesada do yakisoba e sushi que comi com as minhas amigas e não sei, me deu vontade de escrever e já que isso raramente acontece, acho que essas oportunidades shouldn't go to waste.

(Geralmente eu pediria desculpa por escrever um post tão pessoal and whatever, mas ninguém lê meu blog anyways, então deixa pra lá.)

.

Being able to fall asleep in less than an hour and a half is the most I've accomplished today.

I don't know what more depressing; that or that I'm actually happy I was able to sleep.

You spend your whole life stuck in the labyrinth, thinking about how you’ll escape it one day, and how awesome it will be, and imagining that future keeps you going, but you never do it. You just use the future to escape the present.

Looking for Alaska ; John Green

Relevant.

Definite 'Swiss Family Robinson' vibes.

I miss August.

And I can't sleep without your breathing

And I can't breathe each time you're leaving

.

"You think love is simple. You think the heart is like a diagram."

"Have you ever seen a human heart? It looks like a fist, wrapped in blood."

Why is love never enough?

Well, everyone's sad.

I have a feeling I've posted this before. Or maybe it was another 'Girl, Interrupted' screen cap. Oh well.

Baby Lu dances ballet. I'm the second one from left to right. I just found this picture on Facebook :)

.

Mari: Cara, meu celular tá uma bostinha.

Eu: Quê? Your face?

Mari: ...Fuck you.

I love my sister.

"Both of us have a lot of feelings we need to get out in the open. So if you want to take those feelings and smash somebody with them, smash me. Then we can understand each other better."

I started reading 'Norwegian Wood' by Haruki Murakami this weekend and I'm in love with it, I want to carry it with me all the time and hug it. I think the last book I liked as much was 'The Perks of Being a Wallflower'.

"I can't see anything that I don't like about you."
"But you will! But you will. You know, you will think of things. And I'll get bored with you and feel trapped because that's what happens with me."
"Okay."
"Okay."