I kind of suck at summer, you guys

It seems like everybody on the face of the earth (but especially people my age) simply adore summer and the sunshine makes everything better and blah blah blah. I will now state the following reasons why I have decided that summer just isn't my thing:

• Summer clothes, distorted body image, too much skin showing. GROSS. It just makes me feel uncomfortable.
• SO MUCH SWEAT AND GREASY SKIN. How could this ever be okay?
• Too much heat makes me claustrophobic and like ripping out of my own skin, which is why I don't like being at the beach for too long. Plus, another thing about the beach is that I get this 'okay, what do I do now?' sort of feeling.
• I wear normal glasses so I either have to opt for a headache from straining my eyes to see when I'm wearing sunglasses or a headache from squinting from the brightness of the sun. Lose-lose situation. 
• I'm really bad at sleeping normally and at normal times, but sleeping when it's unbearably hot is definitely on my list of 10 Things That Absolutely Suck.
• I really like indoor activities, so as much as I like watching TV shows on my laptop or scrolling through my Tumblr dashboard, I always have to listen to comments like "why are you inside on such a beautiful day?!" 
• The same goes for the movie theaters. I love going to the movie theater but apparently, in the summer, day time should be spent outdoors. Ugh.
• I'm a lonely person, so I'm either wistfully wishing I had somebody to go on outdoorsy escapades with or just somebody to share the air conditioning with. I mean, this obviously isn't just a bother in the summer, but I just feel like summer, and especially, vacations are reserved to be spent with people you like that are your own age (and not, uhm, your cat.) 
• So majority of summer vacations, my family and I end up going to spend at least a week at a city by the sea. So this is the issue about me being a super picky eater. Fish is okay, but really Dad, every day? Can't we just go eat some pasta somewhere? 

I'm just really inadequate and summer isn't the right season for me. Now can somebody please just lower the temperature here or something?

If only this anxiety and panic and miserableness could be turned into something creative. Sigh.

(:

• I feel a certain twinge of jealousy of people who are comfortably with posting their thoughts and feelings with no filter on the internet. I feel like everything I post is so obnoxiously overthought and calculated.
• It's currently 10:45 PM and I've been in bed since 1:30 PM, with the exception of going to the bathroom and getting food in the kitchen. It was kind of worth it though, because I watched like six episodes of Dexter and finished the season. I feel like the 'sloth' guy in Se7en. 
• Tomorrow I'm finally going to go watch 'The Amazing Spider-Man'! 
• The Rookie road trip is happening and it's so beautiful and lovely and everything right in the world and I honestly don't really wish I lived in US but right now, I very much wish I could be in  one of the visiting cities.
• I CARE SO LITTLE ABOUT SOCCER AND THESE FIREWORKS SCARE MY CATS.
• Lately, my reaction to thing that bother me in life is to feel nauseous. Like, to the point where I'm upset about things to the point of wanting to vomit.
• Sitting in the backseat of my mom's car makes me feel panicky and claustrophobic.
• I made a new 8tracks mix today! 
• I watched 'To Rome with Love' this week and I liked it a lot but I just thought that Ellen Page was a weird casting choice, because they go on and on in the movie about how sensual and enticing and beautiful she is but Ellen Page just kind of looks like a child. 
• I'm headed to Portugal on Sunday and it'll be summer there and I'll either have to embrace my weird toes and awful stomach or spend the three weeks wearing closed shoes and covering my tummy at the beach. Honestly, I hope it'll be the first option. 
• OKAY I'M DONE WITH THIS POST, TIME TO GO EAT FOOD

sentimental

"I hug her one more time and pull her down to the bed. And in my mind, I rise up from the bed and look down on us, and look down at everybody else in this hospital who might have the good fortune of holding a pretty girl right now, and then at the entire Brooklyn block, and then the neighborhood, and then Brooklyn, and then New York City, and then the whole Tri-State Area, and then this little corner of America - with laser eyes I can see into every house - and then the whole stupid country and the hemisphere and now the whole stupid world, everyone in every bed, couch, futon, chair, hammock, love seat, and tent, everyone kissing or touching each other...and I know that I'm the happiest of them all." - Ned Vizzini

PS: On Monday, it'll have been one whole month. Fuck. 

THREE THINGS TO BE VERY, VERY EXCITED ABOUT

Leo! Carey Mulligan looking dainty and beautiful! The 20's in New York! Beautiful usage of a Kanye West song! I can't wait, wait, wait to see the Baz Luhrman directed parties and the outfits. Also, I'm very much hoping that this'll be the chance for Leo to win an Oscar. OVERALL, I'M PSYCHED.

Honestly, my heart fluttered when I heard that Tarantino was directing a movie and it was going to be with Leo (so much love for that man.) I can tell from the trailer that this movie is going to be filled with so much bad-assery (like when Jamie Foxx says "I like the way you die, boy." while wearing a blue suit) And the usual Tarantino wonderfulness, like quick dialogues and a good amount of blood (how good is it when they film the cotton flowers being sprayed with blood?!) SO GOOD. 

And last, but definitely definitely not least, is the movie adaption of a book that's been my favorite since I was 13. Despite not super loving the cast (Emma Watson as Sam? Really?), I burst into tears when I saw the trailer. Hopefully, the movie won't disappoint, and will include scenes from when they play Rocky Horror or the first time Charlie gets high. I was worried that making it into a movie would take away some of the introspectiveness that's so characteristic of the book (since the story is told in letters), but a narrative voice-over will probably work just as well. Honestly, I just love the book so much that I'm going to try my best not to worry about small details when I watch it. I also really hope that the movie will have a killer soundtrack. And I can already tell that Patrick (Ezra Miller!!) is going to be my favorite character.

FAILED VLOG

My Photobooth audio isn't working! So here's a video of me being frustrated.

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15 days.

“Thomas Edison's last words were 'It's very beautiful over there'. I don't know where there is, but I believe it's somewhere, and I hope it's beautiful.” 

I'm going to my very first funeral today, and that would've been bad enough if the person who had died hadn't been one of my best friends who is my age. Honestly, there is absolutely nothing worse than hugging a crying mother who has just lost her child. I believe that everybody has a certain time to leave this planet, so I'm sure fate/God/whatever decides this sort of thing has other plans for you and that you're in a better place now. Te amo, Dani, sempre.

It's a very odd feeling to be with a group of people and feel like I don't particularly matter to anyone there.

note to self

my life lately [in pictures]

Also, here. (not a playlist I made, but it's one of Catherine's, and she makes the best mixes ever.)

It's just so easy to slip back into old ways and become the same person I used to be. This is very odd and makes me feel like I have very little will power and control of my life.

There aren't too many people who will listen to you say incoherent sentences through tears at 2 in the morning, so it's important to hold on to the people that will.