25.11.12



Hey, you and me are going to slow-dance to this song someday. You'll put your hands on my hips as we sway in a room that's ours (really, really just ours) and I'll say something dumb about the way you dance and you'll kiss me softly on that ticklish place on neck. I'll hold you a little bit tighter and you won't mind and I'll tell you that when I was eighteen years old, I imagined dancing with you to this song and it'll be a sad and nostalgic and hopeful moment. And if it's not, well, then that's okay, too. I love you to the moon and back, bonitinho. 
Right now, I feel very happy and excited about being alive and the plans I have so I need to record it because I know these moments don't come by super often. 

19.11.12

"Stop making that face at me." You don't know what face I'm talking about. I called you today while I was walking home and I was upset and on the verge of tears and I had to hear your voice to distract me from the frustration building up inside of my chest and squeezing my lungs and you answered and I could clearly see you sitting on the bed surrounded by clothes you still had to pack and you didn't ask why my voice was shakey (I wouldnt've said anything, anyways). I got home and pretended to be okay and managed until you put your arms around me and I broke down and you stroked my hair while we stood in the bathroom doorway and told me that it was okay to cry and you didn't ask me what was wrong and you didn't complain when my mascara got on your white shirt and then you talked to me about silly things until I calmed down. I'm listening to quiet songs that remind me of you even though I don't know if you know these songs and tears are rolling down my cheeks and I keep glancing at the clock but who cares I'm not going to sleep anytime soon anyways and this afternoon I woke up from my nap and forget for a second that you had left and looked around my room, expecting to find you lying on your back on my bed and reading your Neil Gaiman book. I'm going to lie down in bed tonight and I won't wake up in the middle of the night with you coming in and kissing my limbs while I'm half asleep and holding my arms and asking me if I'm okay because my heart is beating fast and yes yes I'm okay I am alive and I am completely in love with you. I looked down at your hands interlocked with both of mine (because there are occasions when holding just one of your hands isn't enough) while we were waiting in the sun and I kept looking because I wanted so badly to remember everything, every single moment and how your lips were cold from drinking a milkshake and you hadn't changed shirts and the outsides of our thighs touching and the voice in the back of my head reminded me how lucky I am to have spent these days with you and how we've been doing this for almost three years and saying good-bye to you still hasn't gotten easier. I don't think it ever will get easy, honestly.

12.11.12

ugh, i don't even know.


I'm sitting in the computer lab at college and my body feels like this awful, uncomfortable suit that doesn't belong to me and the air is stale and the vents are making this annoying whirring sound and I am sleep deprived and I mentally threw up on everybody who I've interacted with so far, MONDAYS ARE TERRIBLE. 

6.11.12

How It Ends

It has been years,
months
And days
Since the first time I saw you naked
Since the night you ripped off your shirt,
Stuck your boobs in my face and said
Touch them
I touched them like a diabetic third grader opening a Snickers bar
You said
Hard
I thought, yes I am
But you are so soft, I said,
Your lips, they’re like whale blubber
That wasn’t my best line
But it worked
Tonight in the grocery store, I found one of your hairs in my underwear
I pulled it out in the frozen food section and screamed
THAT is so gorgeous, it could kill a man!
Good thing I’m a leprechaun
Lucky…
Lucky…
Baby, I have no idea how this will end
Maybe the equator will fall like a hula hoop from the earth’s hips
And our mouths will freeze mid-kiss on our 80th anniversary
Or maybe tomorrow, my absolute insanity
Combined with the absolute obstacle course of your communication skills
Will leave us
Like a love letter
In a landfill
But whatever
Whenever
However this ends,
Heather,
I want you to know, that right now,
I love you forever
I love you for the hardest mile we walked together
For the night I collected every sharp knife in the house
And threw them one by one on the roof
Then told the sun,
Listen show off,
From now on, you are only to give me blades of grass;
Things that are growing and soft
‘Cause there’s this girl who says she wants to float on her back
Through my bloodstream
And when she does,
I want my rivers to reach the sea
D’you hear me, lover?
Do you know, the night you told me you had a crush on my ears,
I swore to never to become Van Gogh
And look, baby,
They are both still there
Just like my firefly heart is still right there in your glass jar
I never trusted anybody more to poke enough holes in the lid
So on the nights you sleep like a ballerina,
I try to snore like a piccolo
And I press my lips to your holy temples
And I say,
I crash in to things in the dark
Even when the lights are on
And I am wrong more often than I am writing
And even then, I am often wrong
But when my friends are in the bathroom at the bar
Rolling dollar bills in to telescopes,
Claiming they can see God,
I will come to you
Holding my grandmother’s Bible,
I will press it to your chest
And I will bless it with your breath
And when you ask if I wanna roleplay Altar boys fucking in the kitchen during Sunday Mass
I will say,
Hell yes
But only if you leave a hickey on my ass
In the shape of Jesus’ palm
So I can be sure I got nailed
Down
Heather,
You will never lose me to the wind
You are the lightning that made me fill my chest with candles
You are the thunder clapping for the poem that nobody else wants to hear
You are an icicle’s tear watering a tulip on the first day of spring
You melt me alive
You kiss me as deep as my roots will reach
And I want nothing more than to be an eyelash fallen on your cheek
Then being collected by your fingers
And held like a wish
I promise
That whatever I do
I will always try my best
To come true


- Andrea Gibson