I have to pack for the beach tomorrow but I opened my suitcase and found out that my shampoo had leaked onto a lot of my clothes so now I'm just ignoring any packing that has to be done and my room now smells like shampoo. Merry Christmas to anybody who still reads this blog!

This video basically is the definion of happiness in a nutshell.

it's just been a while since i've made one

-

IN MY LIFE, WHY DO I GIVE VALUABLE TIME TO PEOPLE WHO DON'T CARE IF I LIVE OR DIE?

Top 10 favorite movies (in no specific order):

• Fight Club
• American Beauty
• As Melhores Coisas do Mundo
• Garden State
• The Breakfast Club
• Mean Girls
• The Virgin Suicides
• Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
• Girl, Interrupted
• Into the Wild

(I'm probably going to read this again in some time and remember a bunch of movies I love that didn't make the list. Oh, and my favorite guilty pleasure movie is Jennifer's Body.)

sigh.

Whenever I mention to people that I'm already on vacations, their reactions are usually something like 'Wow, you're so lucky!' or 'I'm so jealous!' and I just don't have the heart to tell them that it's actually not that great.

*

Happy birthday, Kurt Vonnegut!

“Hello babies. Welcome to Earth. It's hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It's round and wet and crowded. On the outside, babies, you've got a hundred years here. There's only one rule that I know of, babies - God damn it, you've got to be kind.”

..I baked a cake today (although it kind of looks like pudding in this picture.)

Zebra Question

I asked the zebra,
Are you black with white stripes?
Or white with black stripes?
And the zebra asked me,
Are you good with bad habits?
Or are you bad with good habits?
Are you noisy with quiet times?
Or quite with noisy times?
Are you happy with some sad days?
Or are you sad with some happy days?
Are you neat with some sloppy ways?
Or are you sloppy with some neat ways?
And on and on and on and on
And on and on he went.
I'll never ask a zebra
About stripes
Again.

"I put my hand on him. Touching him was always so important to me. It was something I lived for. I never could explain why. Little, nothing touches. My fingers against his shoulder. The outsides of our thighs touching as we squeezed together on the bus. I couldn't explain it, but I needed it. Sometimes I imagined stitching all of our little touches together. How many hundreds of thousands of fingers brushing against each other does it take to make love? Why does anyone ever make love? "

On graduating and such

For majority of my life, I have gone to schools where the seniors would get a page in the yearbook but that doesn't really happen with the current school I go (because nobody cares about what you think or who you are, as long as you pass the vestibular.) So, since I won't have a graduation ceremony of any kind, I decided I might as well write here what I would write if I had a senior page. Okay.

Mãe e Pai: Vocês são minha maior inspiração e fonte de apoio. Devo tudo que tenho à vocês dois e palavras não conseguem descrever a quantidade de amor que sinto por vocês. Obrigada por tudo, de verdade.

Mari: Minha melhor amiga há 17 anos, ainda bem que vamos voltar a estudar na mesma escola de novo e poder voltar pra casa ridiculamente cedo e assistir America's Next Top Model. Eu te amo mais que tudo and that goes without saying. "With the body of a ........porcupine."

Gian: Baby baby, you're the light of my life. It makes me happy to know that we'll still have many afternoons of taking naps, watching TV and baking cookies. You're smelly and silly, but I like you, nonetheless. You're the best I've ever had.

Vicky: "WHERE YOU GOING?" "I'M LEAVING YOU!" "NO, YOU AIN'T." Babesies, you're one of the best things to have happened to me and I can' get over how lucky I am to have met you. You're a constant in my life and the best friend I've ever had. Te amo, ponjiquejoo.

Cami, Lisa and Alan: You three have been there for me more times than you're probably aware of and you're partly the reason I love São Paulo so much. I'm sure you're all going to do amazing things with your lives and I hope you have all the happiness you guys deserve.

Veva: Tenho tanta sorte de ter uma amiga tão parceira quanto você! Você é minha pessoa favorita dessa cidade e prometo que ano que vem, continuarei dividindo sobremesas com você e discutindo teorias sobre a humanidade. Te amo tanto e saiba que estarei aqui pra tudo!

FAMBLE: Thank you for having been there for me, even when you weren't really. The five of you have played an important part in the person I am today and I wish you all the best in the world, wherever you guys may be. Como diria Fernando Pessoa"O valor das coisas não está no tempo em que elas duram, mas na intensidade com que acontecem." I love you all.

Bruna, Dani, Marina e Rafa: Não sei se eu teria conseguido aguentar a loucura do terceirão sem vocês. Espero que vocês tenham muito sucesso em qualquer faculdade que forem fazer e estou aqui sempre, amo vocês!

I'm sorry if I forgot to write about anybody here. Thank you to everyone who had impacted me and/or inspired me in some way.

"I don’t care about anyone, and the feeling is quite obviously mutual."

- Sylvia Plath

"Eutuvocêeleeleelanóseleselas. Todos somos uma coisa só. Somos todos gays e somos todos héteros. O outro sou eu, a outra também sou eu. A ideia pode soar meio hippie/utópica, mas na explicação da colunista da Tpm e comentarista esportiva (e lateral esquerda no futebol society) Milly Lacombe, parece muito lógica: 'Se uma expedição alienígena pousasse na Terra, seríamos vistos como estranhos seres da espécie humana, todos iguais, sem rótulos de gay, lésbica, negro, judeu ou muçulmano, torcedor do Corinthians ou do Palmeiras.' "

Como grande defensora da ideia de que rótulos são disnecessários, especialmente os que dizem respeito a sexualidade, achei que essa edição da Trip, com o tema 'Diversidade Sexual' foi uma das melhores coisas que eu já li e é tipo de coisa que acho que todo brasileiro deve ler (e me convenci disso ao ler só duas reportagens).

Passing the entrance test for the college that I wanted obviously requires a dumb picture of me wearing my sheep hat. PASSEEEEEEI, GALERA!

January, February, March, April, and then May, I'm alive
June, July, August, September,October, I'm alive
November, December, all through the winter, I'm alive

Terminei meu segundo (de dois) vestibulares que vou fazer esse ano e o resultado sai quinta, o que vai decidir onde vou passar os próximos quatro anos da minha vida.

In other news, I finished Perks of Being a Wallflower today (which seems fitting, since it ends with Charlie's friends graduating) and something that I found odd is that Sam's group of friends actually went to prom, just because they seem like the kind of people who'd make fun of prom, especially Mary Elizabeth.

I started re-reading The Perks of Being a Wallflower today and I realized that the first time I read it, I was a freshman (like Charlie) and now I'm a senior and I'm on my way to graduating soon (like Sam and Patrick.) I don't know, all I wanna do is go to a party in Bob's basement and eat hash brownies and drive around with Sam and Patrick.

.

Credit goes to Taylor-Ruth, who makes amazing web comics and seems like an all-around awesome person.

Lately my life has consisted of feeling insecure about practically every aspect of my life, sleeping (or wishing I were asleep) and wondering what kind of make-over I'd get if I were ever a contestant on America's Next Top Model.

jkshfkjdhfksjdfhdalksdjaskljd fuck.

As músicas do Legião Urbana me dão tanto orgulho de ser brasileira.

"I read once that ancient Egyptians had fifty words for sand and the Eskimos had a hundred words for snow. I wish I had a thousand words for love, but all that comes to mind is the way you move against me while I sleep and there are no words for that."

sigh.

I'm constantly torn between the urge to lose weight and the need to accept my body the way it is.

Drowning, drowning, drowning, drowning.

If it's not too much of a bother, sir, could you please pull me up?

It's boring girlfriends and amazing food, feeling tipsy and looking pretty, potencial family members and purring cats, chocolate in the fridge and sunshine on your skin, working on my conversation skills in bars, cranky bus rides and clasped hands, new shoes and i-thought-it'd-be-better movies, whispering at 3 in the morning, movie theaters with crying babies, wishing i was with you (but that isn't exclusive to this week), knowing the dances to tacky songs and avoiding weird guys, sharing brownie and apple pie with my best friends, naps at unusual times and guilty pleasure movies. I'm kind of dreading the end of this week.

And my friends were like "Whatever, you'll find someone better. His eyes are way too close together and we never even liked him from the start and now he's with that tart and I heard she done some really nasty stuff down at the park with Michael, he said she's easy and if you're guy's with someone that sleazy, then he ain't worth your time 'cause you deserve a real nice guy." So I proceeded to get drunk and to cry and locked myself in the toilet the entire time.

*

Something cool I've discovered: for my birthday, Gian gave me 'For Esmé - With Love And Squalor' (also known as 'Nine Stories', because basically, the book consists of nine short stories) and the title of the book is the title of one of the stories. In the sixth book of The Series of Unfortunate Events, 'The Erzatz Elevator', the name of one of the Baudelaires' guardians is Esmé Squalor (she was part of that couple where they only care about things that are 'in', like pinstripe suits and olive martinis), which I'm pretty sure isn't a coincidence and I think it's nice that there's that little connection between two of my favorite authors.

YOU REALLY NEED TO STOP MISSING EVERYONE SO FUCKING MUCH.

.

Heavy, heavy boots.

In bed that night I invented a special drain that would be underneath every pillow in New York, and would connect to the reservoir. Whenever people cried themselves to sleep, the tears would all go to the same place, and in the morning the weatherman could report if the water level of the Reservoir of Tears had gone up or down, and you could know if New York is in heavy boots.

good-byes at airports always wear me out.

My highs are high, my lows are low

And I don't know which way to go

Every time you leave this house, everything falls apart

I can't get myself off the couch

I don't wanna talk to anyone else

Every time you leave this house, everything falls apart.

sigh.

I think I'm a little bit in love with you, but only if you're a little bit in love with me.

This is beautiful in so many aspects.

Devendra Banhart at the Rainbow House - Director's Cut from Oliver Peoples on Vimeo.

I love crap songs that make me angry for no reason.

So is that what you call a getaway? Tell me what you got away with,
Cause I've seen more spine on jellyfish, I've seen more guts on eleven-year-old kids.
Have another drink and drive yourself home, I hope there's ice on all the roads
And you can think of me when you forget your seatbelt and again when your head goes through the windshield.

I think that if I ever have kids, and they are upset, I won’t tell them that people are starving in China or anything like that because it wouldn’t change the fact that they were upset. And even if somebody else has it much worse, that doesn’t really change the fact that you have what you have.

you're my favorite, babe.

Luuu (: says: (22:00:45)

hey você gosta de Indios?

Luuu (: says: (22:01:02)

not the song, actual indians

Gian says: (22:01:11)

hahahahaha

Gian says: (22:01:16)

theyre ok

Luuu (: says: (22:01:21)

HAHAHA i was kidding, i meant the song

Gian says: (22:01:25)

uma vez eu fui visitar uma tribo though

Gian says: (22:01:26)

haha

Gian says: (22:01:28)

foi fun :)

every day i spend with you is the new best day of my life.

I can't write because my attempts are about things I don't feel and I'm unable to write about what I actually feel. Oh well, I'm probably not that great of a writer to begin with.

I can't stop listening to this song, I'm so glad I bought this CD. I was in the CD store and I gave this to my dad so he could pay with this along with his CDs and he looked at me and was like "Ahh Lu, you're just buying this because it has a cat on the cover!"

"He loved her, he loved her, and until he’d loved her she had never minded being alone."

- Truman Capote

You're like school on the weekends: no class.

..

In a relationship, how important is it to have things in common?

I'M IN NEW YORK AND I'M OVERWHELMED BY HOW AMAZING THIS CITY IS!

I want to
let her know
though
that all the nights
sleeping
beside her

even the useless
arguments
were things
ever splendid

- Charles Bukowski

Você pode até duvidar, acho que isso não é amor!

This has become one of my favorite songs lately and I was holding your hand the first time I heard it.

I finally have some sort of internet that isn't on my phone and I can't think of what to write.

I could say 'fuck you' but you're not really worth getting upset over.

this is oddly comforting to know.

My dad was in the living room cutting wood to put in the fireplace with this small ax and then he stops, looks at me and asks, "Short sleeve or long sleeve?" like that scene in 'Blood Diamond.'

Out of all the movies I've ever seen, this part is definitely in my top 10 favorite movie scenes.

Life is too short to spend it having conversations with people you don't like.

Happy birthday, Natalie Portman!

Essa foi uma das propagandas mais brilhantes que eu já vi, esse tipo de coisa me motiva ainda mais a ser publicitária.

I believe that lovers should be tied together, thrown into the ocean in the worst of weather, left there to drown, left there to drown in their innocence. Now I believe that lovers should be draped in flowers, and laid entwined together on a bed of clover, and left there to sleep, left there to dream of their happiness.

*

I'm too young to feel this trapped.

If you fall asleep down by the water, baby, I'll carry you all the way home.

-

Your finger tips feel like ice on my skin and you mumble apologies when I shiver

It's alright, they're actually caused by how familiar this feels

And I know there are still orange lipstick marks on your bones

Your voice on the phone last night made me cry

And you heard my voice trembling on the other side and you didn't ask why

To be honest, I wouldn't be able to answer you accurately

You learned lovely sentences in foreign languages and whispered them into my braided hair

I helped you dye your hair green in my cracked bathtub and you pretended to like it

The first enjoyable birthday I had was when you bought me cupcakes and a plastic crown

You were the one that noticed how green my eyes turn when I cry

and I was the one who showed you your favorite song and wrote the lyrics on your skin

(Not that any of that would make a difference now)

I shut my eyes and kissed you, despite the angry protests creating turmoil in my head.

-

I don't really know what this is. I guess I've just been wanting to write something for a while now.

sigh.

I miss kissing you on deck chairs when there's nobody around.

I watched Into the Wild tonight. This week has been particularly bad and I was really, really glad I watched something inspiring. I've just been feeling so trapped and, I don't know, Christopher McCandless' story is so beautiful and it's true and it was just what I needed, and although this wasn't the first time I watched the movie, I felt like this time was more significant, probably due to how I've been feeling. And during parts, I would cry or my eyes would tear up and it just felt nice crying about something good for a change and especially since I was watching the movie by myself, I didn't have to explain why I was crying. Whenever I watch movies that move me this much, I always feel the urge to write about them but they always come out so inarticulate and wrong. The amount of influence movies has over me never ceases to me. Okay, yeah. Happiness is only real when shared.

This is so 2006.

"Maybe the two different worlds we lived in weren't so different. We saw the same sunset."

-

“Afterwards, she lies nestled against me, her hair tickling my face. I stroke her lightly, memorizing her body. I want her to melt into me, like butter on toast. I want to absorb her and walk around for the rest of my days with her encased in my skin. I want. I lie motionless, savoring the feeling of her body against mine. I’m afraid to breathe in case I break the spell.”

Water for Elephants ~ Sara Gruen

I found this today while I was looking through baby pictures. :)

I'll be your winter coat, buttoned and zipped straight to the throat, with the collar up so you won't catch a cold.

This song is lovely and my sister has been singing it all day

Coração não é tão simples quanto pensa

Nele cabe o que não cabe na dispensa, cabe o meu amor

Cabem três vidas inteiras, cabe uma penteadeira

Cabe nós dois, cabe até o meu amor

Essa é a última oração pra salvar seu coração

---

Teenage boys are dumb.

Today, I saw a car with a bumper sticker that said: "When life gives you lemons, you paint that shit gold." Right, and then you'd just have a gold lemon. Great accomplishment.

.

It's too early in the year for it to be this cold.

Sluts

Wipe the sleep from my eyes and pour me another cup
I see what you've been trying to tell me all along
Shaving your head and handling me (so delicately)
With satin and lace:
You're a whore.

I didn't write this, but the other day I wrote something and it sounded really, really familiar to something else I'd read and then it turned out that it was this poem. I like this, despite where it's from (I used to read lame books when I was younger, don't judge).

*

Tender age in bloom.

“I don’t love studying. I hate studying. I like learning. Learning is beautiful.”

—	Natalie Portman

*

It's your birthday today and I'm not sure why that makes me so sad.

(Happy 18th birthday, by the way.)

As it turns out, I still know all the lyrics to 'The Emo Song'...oh.

*

"How nice to feel nothing, and still get full credit for being alive."

- Kurt Vonnegut

Feliz Dia das Mães!

Te amo muito, obrigada por tudo!

Maybe I would have been something you'd be good at

Maybe you would have been something I'd be good at

• I feel like I've been neglecting Placebo lately so I'm making up for it now. I wish I could put into words what the introduction of 'This Picture' makes me feel.
• Gian's internet crashed earlier so I tried making a gif of myself. This is the result, it's pretty bad.
• Today I decided that I want to have three kids and that the first tattoo I get is going to be placed on my foot.
• I finished 'Sputnik Sweetheart' last night and it's the fourth Haruki Murakami book I've read. Whenever I finish reading a book that I really liked, I always feel like hugging the author.
• I miss Vicky.
• I think it's pretty cool how a lot of people I know are going to be taking the SAT tomorrow morning in different parts of the world. Standardized tests are so organized. (Good luck to any of you taking it, by the way!)
• I love you, I love you, I love you. I'm scared that you're going to leave.
• I'm flirting with the idea of getting a nose ring. I probably won't because my parents are very much against piercings but I think they're cute. I've just been bored of my face and I want to change something. I'm also considering getting bangs and growing out my hair.
• I've been having issues with my sleep - in the sense that it takes me so long to fall asleep and when I sleep, I don't rest and when I wake up, I'm always so tired and it feels like I didn't actually rest. I don't know.
• I'd really like to meet someone new.
• I'm not going to school tomorrow.

I Googled this earlier today and then I forgot to delete it and I just noticed it in the search bar and started laughing. My life has turned into one big The Office reference.

*

And if you do have to leave, please try not to stray too far away.

Dear Veva, happy birthday! Eu sou meio awkward com essas coisas de aniversário mas enfim, vou keep it short aqui porque já te dei parabéns ao vivo, com uma cartinha e pelo facebook, haha. Saiba que eu te amo muito mesmo, you're such an inspiring person e eu sou muito sortuda mesmo em ter você como amiga. Esse é só o segundo de muitos aniversários que vamos comemorar juntas. :]

I've got some troubles but they won't last, I'm gonna lay right here in the grass and pretty soon, all my troubles will pass, 'cause I'm in su-su-su-su-su-sugartown...

“Do you think I’m wonderful?’ she asked him one day as they leaned against the trunk of a petrified maple. ‘No’ he said. ‘Why?’ ‘Because so many girls are wonderful. I imagine hundreds of men have called their loves wonderful today, and it’s only noon. You couldn’t be something that hundreds of others are.”

—	Jonathan Safran Foer

.

I want, I want, I want.

"If I had a camera," I said, "I'd take pictures of you every day. That way I'd remember how you looked every single day of your life."

"I look exactly the same."

"No, you don't. You're changing all the time. Every day a tiny bit. If I could, I'd keep a record of it all."

"If you're so smart, how did I change today?"

"You got a fraction of a millimeter taller, for one thing. Your hair grew a fraction of a millimeter longer. And your breasts grew a fraction of a - "

"They did not!"

"Yes, they did."

"Did NOT."

"Did too."

"What else, you big pig?"

"You got a little happier and also a little sadder."

"Meaning they cancel each other out, leaving me exactly the same."

"Not at all. The fact that you got a little happier today doesn't change the fact that you also became a little sadder. Every day you become a little more of both, which means that right now, at this exact moment, you're the happiest and the saddest you've ever been in your whole life."

"How do you know?"

"Think about it. Have you ever been happier than right now, lying here in the grass?"

"I guess not. No."

"And have you ever been sadder?"

"No."

"It isn't like that for everyone, you know. Some people, like your sister, just get happier and happier every day. And some people, like Beyla Asch, just get sadder and sadder. And some people, like you, get both."

"What about you? Are you the happiest and saddest right now that you've ever been?"

"Of course I am."

"Why?"

"Because nothing makes me happier and nothing makes me sadder than you."

The History of Love ~ Nicole Krauss

Esse samba é só porque, Rio, eu gosto de você

I don't understand why meeting nice people and making friends is so hard.

*

On Sunday, I watched Requiem for a Dream. I've been thinking what I'd write about this movie ever since it finished and I feel like I still can't express what I want to say eloquently. It's been a while that a movie has moved me much in a way that it's almost haunting. I'm not sure whether I'd say it was a good movie or not, maybe it's something bigger than that. I felt like it was an experience, as in, not a movie I'd see again but an experience I'm glad I had. The trailer below doesn't do it any justice and will probably seem like I'm exagerating - which I don't think I am, because I'm not the kind of person to be easily shocked in movies by strong imagery. The ending scene is available on Youtube if you search for it, I just doesn't make much sense or have much impact if you didn't see the entire movie. Anyways, yeah, I just felt like I had to write this down somewhere.

in restless dreams, i walked alone

I'm currently taking advantage of the newly installed wireless at my house and I'm wearing your shirt (which you sneakily left behind) and I'm listening to my Simon and Garfunkel Greatest Hits CD and my bed still smells like you and I miss you a lot more than I wish I did.

.

"Nothing of me is original. I am the combined effort of everybody I've ever known."

- Chuck Palahniuk

I haven't been much in the blog-posting mood, partly because I'm sick and I've just had nothing to say.

• I went to the doctor today and as it turns, I have sinusitis so I have pills to take and this water squirty thing to put up my nose. So it goes.
• My nails are this nice lavender color.
• Gian gets here on Wednesday.
• As it turns out, Carol knows this girl who used to be in my class last year. Sometimes I get this feeling that everyone I know knows each other in some way.
• I love Nicki Minaj's part in 'Monster'. (here)
• I'm not particularly sure why I'm making this list.
• okay
• yeah

This gif is irrelevant, but Mean Girls is one of my favorite movies:

You're (obviously) my favorite.

infatuation

(n) - foolish or extravagant passion.

Matty may just be my favorite male character out of all the seasons of Skins.

I really need to cut my hair.

i miss you.

.

The scars of your love remind me of us,
They keep me thinking that we almost had it all.

I love no one but you, I have discovered, but you are far away and I am here alone. Then this is my life and maybe, however unlikely, I’ll find my way back there. Or maybe, one day, I’ll settle for second best. And on that same day, hell will freeze over, the sun will burn out and the stars will fall from the sky.”

—	Lemony Snicket

.

Eu honestamente não entendo o que leva alguém a entrar em uma escola e começar a atirar. Eu pensei isso quando eu assisti 'Elephant' do Gus Van Sant (baseado no massacre de Columbine em 1999), quando isso aconteceu isso em Virginia Tech em 2007 e hoje quando eu via o jornal sobre o que aconteceu no Rio e depois apareceu o discurso da Dilma e ela quase começou a chorar. Estou em choque, o nível de crueldade das pessoas é uma coisa que sempre me surpreende.

And it's just like that song goes: "You're just someone I used to know."

(And by 'know', it goes without saying that I actually mean 'love.')

.

“She wants to know if I love her, that’s all anyone wants from anyone else, not love itself but the knowledge that love is there, like new batteries in the flashlight in the emergency kit in the hall closet.”

—	Jonathan Safran Foer

Timing

Please don't just become someone I used to know who wrote me love letters on the back of old photographs.

If you remember me, I don’t care if everybody else forgets.

- Haruki Murakami

uhm, yeah.

Today it finally hit me that we won't be graduating together.

(This is worse than the fact that I won't have a graduation at all.)

I can't even begin to fully express how much these Dove 'Real Beauty' campaigns mean to me; it's so important for young girls to grow up liking the way that they look because honestly, if they don't, their self-esteem is just going to get worse as they get older. I mean, I've spent so much time feeling like I wasn't pretty or skinny enough and I'm finally starting to actually like the way I look. Just yeah, fuck beauty standards. The other two Dove campaigns are here and here (this one always makes me feel like crying, haha.)

.

You realize that life goes fast
It's hard to make the good things last
You realize the sun doesn't go down
It's just an illusion caused by the world spinning round

Rereading my favorite books always leaves me feeling so melancholic.

.

"If you loved me, you'd read my blog."

.