I want, I want, I want.

"If I had a camera," I said, "I'd take pictures of you every day. That way I'd remember how you looked every single day of your life."

"I look exactly the same."

"No, you don't. You're changing all the time. Every day a tiny bit. If I could, I'd keep a record of it all."

"If you're so smart, how did I change today?"

"You got a fraction of a millimeter taller, for one thing. Your hair grew a fraction of a millimeter longer. And your breasts grew a fraction of a - "

"They did not!"

"Yes, they did."

"Did NOT."

"Did too."

"What else, you big pig?"

"You got a little happier and also a little sadder."

"Meaning they cancel each other out, leaving me exactly the same."

"Not at all. The fact that you got a little happier today doesn't change the fact that you also became a little sadder. Every day you become a little more of both, which means that right now, at this exact moment, you're the happiest and the saddest you've ever been in your whole life."

"How do you know?"

"Think about it. Have you ever been happier than right now, lying here in the grass?"

"I guess not. No."

"And have you ever been sadder?"

"No."

"It isn't like that for everyone, you know. Some people, like your sister, just get happier and happier every day. And some people, like Beyla Asch, just get sadder and sadder. And some people, like you, get both."

"What about you? Are you the happiest and saddest right now that you've ever been?"

"Of course I am."

"Why?"

"Because nothing makes me happier and nothing makes me sadder than you."

The History of Love ~ Nicole Krauss

Esse samba é só porque, Rio, eu gosto de você

I don't understand why meeting nice people and making friends is so hard.

*

On Sunday, I watched Requiem for a Dream. I've been thinking what I'd write about this movie ever since it finished and I feel like I still can't express what I want to say eloquently. It's been a while that a movie has moved me much in a way that it's almost haunting. I'm not sure whether I'd say it was a good movie or not, maybe it's something bigger than that. I felt like it was an experience, as in, not a movie I'd see again but an experience I'm glad I had. The trailer below doesn't do it any justice and will probably seem like I'm exagerating - which I don't think I am, because I'm not the kind of person to be easily shocked in movies by strong imagery. The ending scene is available on Youtube if you search for it, I just doesn't make much sense or have much impact if you didn't see the entire movie. Anyways, yeah, I just felt like I had to write this down somewhere.

in restless dreams, i walked alone

I'm currently taking advantage of the newly installed wireless at my house and I'm wearing your shirt (which you sneakily left behind) and I'm listening to my Simon and Garfunkel Greatest Hits CD and my bed still smells like you and I miss you a lot more than I wish I did.

.

"Nothing of me is original. I am the combined effort of everybody I've ever known."

- Chuck Palahniuk

I haven't been much in the blog-posting mood, partly because I'm sick and I've just had nothing to say.

• I went to the doctor today and as it turns, I have sinusitis so I have pills to take and this water squirty thing to put up my nose. So it goes.
• My nails are this nice lavender color.
• Gian gets here on Wednesday.
• As it turns out, Carol knows this girl who used to be in my class last year. Sometimes I get this feeling that everyone I know knows each other in some way.
• I love Nicki Minaj's part in 'Monster'. (here)
• I'm not particularly sure why I'm making this list.
• okay
• yeah

This gif is irrelevant, but Mean Girls is one of my favorite movies:

You're (obviously) my favorite.

infatuation

(n) - foolish or extravagant passion.

Matty may just be my favorite male character out of all the seasons of Skins.

I really need to cut my hair.

i miss you.

.

The scars of your love remind me of us,
They keep me thinking that we almost had it all.

I love no one but you, I have discovered, but you are far away and I am here alone. Then this is my life and maybe, however unlikely, I’ll find my way back there. Or maybe, one day, I’ll settle for second best. And on that same day, hell will freeze over, the sun will burn out and the stars will fall from the sky.”

—	Lemony Snicket

.

Eu honestamente não entendo o que leva alguém a entrar em uma escola e começar a atirar. Eu pensei isso quando eu assisti 'Elephant' do Gus Van Sant (baseado no massacre de Columbine em 1999), quando isso aconteceu isso em Virginia Tech em 2007 e hoje quando eu via o jornal sobre o que aconteceu no Rio e depois apareceu o discurso da Dilma e ela quase começou a chorar. Estou em choque, o nível de crueldade das pessoas é uma coisa que sempre me surpreende.

And it's just like that song goes: "You're just someone I used to know."

(And by 'know', it goes without saying that I actually mean 'love.')

.

“She wants to know if I love her, that’s all anyone wants from anyone else, not love itself but the knowledge that love is there, like new batteries in the flashlight in the emergency kit in the hall closet.”

—	Jonathan Safran Foer

Timing

Please don't just become someone I used to know who wrote me love letters on the back of old photographs.

If you remember me, I don’t care if everybody else forgets.

- Haruki Murakami

uhm, yeah.