"Stop making that face at me." You don't know what face I'm talking about. I called you today while I was walking home and I was upset and on the verge of tears and I had to hear your voice to distract me from the frustration building up inside of my chest and squeezing my lungs and you answered and I could clearly see you sitting on the bed surrounded by clothes you still had to pack and you didn't ask why my voice was shakey (I wouldnt've said anything, anyways). I got home and pretended to be okay and managed until you put your arms around me and I broke down and you stroked my hair while we stood in the bathroom doorway and told me that it was okay to cry and you didn't ask me what was wrong and you didn't complain when my mascara got on your white shirt and then you talked to me about silly things until I calmed down. I'm listening to quiet songs that remind me of you even though I don't know if you know these songs and tears are rolling down my cheeks and I keep glancing at the clock but who cares I'm not going to sleep anytime soon anyways and this afternoon I woke up from my nap and forget for a second that you had left and looked around my room, expecting to find you lying on your back on my bed and reading your Neil Gaiman book. I'm going to lie down in bed tonight and I won't wake up in the middle of the night with you coming in and kissing my limbs while I'm half asleep and holding my arms and asking me if I'm okay because my heart is beating fast and yes yes I'm okay I am alive and I am completely in love with you. I looked down at your hands interlocked with both of mine (because there are occasions when holding just one of your hands isn't enough) while we were waiting in the sun and I kept looking because I wanted so badly to remember everything, every single moment and how your lips were cold from drinking a milkshake and you hadn't changed shirts and the outsides of our thighs touching and the voice in the back of my head reminded me how lucky I am to have spent these days with you and how we've been doing this for almost three years and saying good-bye to you still hasn't gotten easier. I don't think it ever will get easy, honestly.