I just want to feel beautiful and desirable and comfortable and better in every single way.

This video is good and interesting and worth saving to watch again. 

hi gian, i love you like crazy.

There's still five minutes left of your birthday and I realized how much I consider birthdays (not necessarily just my own) as important landmarks and chances to evaluate my life and choices. My heart is completely rid of any resentment or anger over what happened, and now all I feel is joy and happy that we were lucky enough to have experienced so much together. I feel like you'd be proud of me for reaching this point. Happy birthday, I love you very much. 

PS: It's indie rock and roll for me. 

Lately, I have been feeling very overwhelmed and I just have the urge to spend time by myself, hiding under the covers, but when I get the opportunity to lie down by myself and my thoughts, I just feel worse. If you asked me, I wouldn't be sure about what's overwhelming me, I feel like everything I'm doing is just completely wrong and that I am inadequate. It bothers me how okay I can be some days and then I'll just plunge down and feel awful and bad and miserable and I feel like I have absolutely no control. I think the thing that overwhelms me so much is actually myself.

things

• I think it's very important to be able to realize that the things you like are valid and don't have to be cool or a certain way, but that you have to realize that your liking of something, doesn't automatically mean that it's good. I just think it's dumb and very high school when people are like 'I LIKE THIS THEREFORE IT IS THE BEST THING EVER AND IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT, YOU ARE DUMB.'
• My mood these past two days when I've been eating better and exercising have already been better than the entire month of September.
• My Rookie Yearbook arrives on the 8th! 
• Majority of the people I know are very self-involved.
• 
• I really, really want to go to a good Halloween party this month, ughhh pleaseeeee
• I dreamt that somebody I really like from the Internet died and I woke up and I was super sad and then I went on Facebook and looked at her pictures and just felt this wave of relief that she was alive.
• These lists are pointless.